Seniorits

*Okay, so this is a paper I wrote for my creative writing class. It might not make sense unless you know me. BUT! I like it (: *
Senioritis
Have you ever found yourself constantly complaining about anything and everything? No, it’s not P.M.S. that I’m talking about here. It really gets old after three years of watching seniors walk off to do their own thing. It’s the end of my junior year and Senioritis is what I’m already diagnosing myself with. Since I’m not even a senior yet, this is a serious problem. I think I’m finally starting to understand why most seniors are such jerks. I don’t want to be a jerk, I just want to get the heck out of here.
If you lived in a house with seven, sometimes nine, other people, you’d be ready to take off too. Life at home isn’t bad; It could be worse. Nine people under one roof is just a lot to survive. My mom is probably the coolest one out there, but her stuff is SO out of control sometimes and I can’t always keep up. How she raises twin boys and runs full-time home daycare is beyond me. I’ve got to give her props, though. She’s a tough chick.
As for my brothers, I should be used to their constant annoyances and vulgar attitudes. My older brother Luke is nineteen, so he does what he pleases. This can be a pretty bad thing considering we live under the same roof and he thinks it’s okay to act like he’s this big bad thing when he’s really just a little boy who never wants to grow up. If he’s such a “Big Boy”, I really just wish he’d act like one. Don’t get me wrong, I love him to death. I just wish he didn’t find the need to act as though he’s my father just because we don’t have a solid, around the clock, dad in the house. Not to mention mom’s going on her third marriage; I’ve got enough father figures to last me at least until I can get out of here.
I can’t forget Alex; he’s quite the character. I don’t blame his A.D.H.D. I am fully aware that he is just an all around jerk. A fourteen year old boy is not what I need to make me stay in Walkersville any longer than I have to. I was a freshman once too. So no, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’m just glad he has his Xbox live game battles to keep him away from drugs and all of the other crap the kids his age seem to be getting into. The profanity withheld in that headset thing makes me sick to my stomach, but he could be off doing much worse. So I’m thankful.
A brother who screams ungodly words, one who can’t move on with his life, two year old twin boys, mom’s fiancé, his kids every now and then, and all of the strays that seem to be rolling in lately. That’s not all that much to complain about, I know. The fact that I have to deal with it as often as I do, I’ll admit, is my own fault. I should definitely be driving by now. I’m finding myself regretting, that I’m not, more and more each day. That makes me just like Luke, right? I don’t want to grow up, I just want to get the heck out of here.
Junior year has been the best. I’m not a newb (freshman) and I’m not just half way there (sophomore). I’m a legit junior and Senioritis is killing me! Doctor, save me! Actually, I have the coolest doctor ever! I will definitely miss him once I graduate. His name is Dr. Shutta (shoot-uh!) and he’s always told me what I’m restricted from. Boys, cell phones, iPod’s, friends, color guard, and whatever else I enjoy for fun. It’s like, “What’s been going on?”…”I think I pulled a muscle at color guard”…”Oh, no more boys!” Typical.
I don’t spend much time around boys. Okay, I lied. I LIVE around them. Literally. I need something to keep me out of trouble. I know guys are normally the reason why most teenage girls do get in trouble, but not me. My guy friends know their place. They also know very well that I am highly capable of kicking their butts if they try to get past me.
I actually only have one true guy friend. James Colby Smith. He hates it when I call him by his first name. He’s every girl’s favorite eye candy, no joke. I’d also be lying if I were to say he’s not breathtaking, because he is. He’s a hunk, but dang, I don’t just need him to stare at. I actually care about the guy for who he is and what he brings to the table in our friendship. I guess that’s the difference with us. He graduates this year and I know my senior year will lack some fun since he’s moving away. He’s the good hearted person who just lets people walk all over him. He and I have that in common. He’s also the kind of person that you find yourself completely incapable of being mad at. He could rip your heart out, or mine, and you wouldn’t blink because he’s such an all around amazing person. Don’t get me wrong, he really ticks me off sometimes, but it’s good to know he’s there when everyone else is off doing their own thing.
My point is, having girl friends is just too dramatic. Guys are way more relaxed. They just let things happen. Colby doesn’t think about things, he just goes with whatever happens. That could be good or bad, I guess. The first two years of high school were SO dramatic for me. I’m pretty much done with it. That just about sums up the past three years. Fed up. I’ve gotten to a point where I actually have to pick and choose what I want to do with my life; I just don’t know quite yet. The importance of things have completely changed in the past three or so years. I walked into high school completely aware of what I wanted: A boyfriend, straight A’s, to be in all of the school plays, and to be the color guard captain by either my junior or senior year. That was more to pull off than I’d expected. That is seriously a lot to handle all at once.
So I’ve had boyfriends who all turned out to be a complete waste of my time, straight A’s really aren’t my thing, theatre doesn’t fit in the way I’d like it to, and I’m hoping and praying that I’ll earn a spot as captain this year. I’ve worked hard all three years to get this far. To see it all go to waste would be pretty heartbreaking. I’ll take what I get and do my best with it, though. Nothing can break me down unless I let it, right?
Maybe I’m not in a huge rush to get out, but all of the symptoms are there. I’m ready to be a senior. Does that make sense? I’m sick of listening to people telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. I’m going to have those people around me no matter where I go in life; Stupid people who can’t mind their own business. I guess I just think once I’m out of here things will be better because these people won’t be annoying freshmen who can‘t mind their own business!
Freshman and sophomore years were like baby steps for me. I had to fall down and trip up a few times before I could walk. Now I’m almost a senior and I’m ready to run! I can make it happen, I just have to get off of my butt and start somewhere. Where do I start? There are college visits, I could actually study for my permit, and I could probably just Google everything else. Laziness. That must be one of the main symptoms of Senioritis. I don’t want to do anything productive anymore, but I’m somehow still pulling it all off. Everything I do is last minute, and if I forget then oh well!
I feel like senior year will be dramatic and fun, yet annoying and scary. I’m excited to make my own life happen, but I’m scared to death to go out on my own. My mom is my best friend and I feel like she needs me more than I need her at times. I don’t want to leave her to a house of seven other people, but I want to be successful and different, as I always have been; Especially from the rest of the family. I’ve always been set apart. My goals and assets aren’t focused around being on the NFL Redskins football cheerleading squad. I could really care less about that.
More than anything, I want to write. I want to express what I think, feel, see, and hear, in a way that other people can benefit from. I want to inspire people to believe in their own abilities and to make the best of their potential. I want to go out there and speak to teens, just like me, who have no idea where they’re headed in life. I want to talk to girls who have had their hearts torn into what they believe is a million unfixable pieces, and give them the faith that has brought me this far. I want to do what I want to do, without judgment or the necessity of approval.
I want to do something to greatly impact the people around me. I want the freedom to be able to say at the end of the day, “This is my life and I’ll do what I darn well please with it.” That’s what my mom has been doing and it seems like she’s happier than ever. Like mother, like daughter? Not so much. I don’t care about things like I used to. I care, of course, I just don’t have the time give my all to someone or something that could disappear in the blink of an eye.
There is only one way to free me of my sickness, and that’s to get out of this wretched place that I find myself calling home. Nothing is ever going to be exactly the way I want it to be. I just have to take the first step instead of waiting for answers to come out of the sky. This sickness won’t kill me, but it’s enough to pull me down so that I’m nearly incapable. Until I’m a senior and have to actually worry about how I’m going to get out of here, I’ll continue to complain and procrastinate as any teenager should. I’ll pull it off, I always do. Because without struggle, there is no progress.