Is there anything left to say?

I'm dressed in a huge hoodie and baggy jeans, yesterday's eyeliner is making me look like I belong on a street corner, and my hair is up in an unflattering bun.

You see, when I'm going through emotional distress paired with feeling physically like crap paired with not getting much sleep, I tend to go for slob-chic in my appearance.

Psalm 66:10: "For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver."
When you refine silver, the fire gets turned up hotter and hotter; it brings impurities in the silver to the top, where the refiner skims them off. However, the refiner cannot for one moment take his eyes off the silver, or he risks all of it being ruined.

I am the silver, God is the refiner.

In the past, I've intervened at some point in the process. I was convinced that God had looked away and I was burning from the heat, about to be ruined. Or, even worse, I liked my impurities and didn't want all of them burned away.

My pastor preached on something akin to this last Sunday. There was an altar call for anyone who honestly wanted to be refined. I went up.
To tell the truth, I didn't expect much to happen. Maybe a few minor things would have to go. I didn't expect a fire anywhere near the size of the one that He's stoking right now.

I had a temptation. This temptation's name was James. He brought me into disobedience whenever I didn't feel like obedience. He was (is) in love with me. He lead me back into thoughts of suicide if I'd strayed from them.

Last night, I said goodbye to James. For the last time.

I didn't sleep much last night. I got my period this morning so I don't feel well (though God, I am trusting, will heal me). And I'm kind of a wreck.

Do you know what it's like to say an honest last goodbye to someone? To know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you will never speak to them again?
It's not fun. I'm not going to pretend anything. It's so painful, even though I know this is for the best.

But he needed to go. This is the best thing for both of us.

When the Lord promises to refine you, take Him seriously.
He will.
The fire might not always feel good, might not always make you want to shout for joy...but it's always for the best, always for your good, and will always bring glory to God.
<3