Lies and a Black Hole

its been a long time since iv wrote anything like this. and i just need some help from people that dont really care.

i am 18. soon to be 19. i have pretty strict parents who...will only let me go out if i ask first. and then when i do go out i have to be back home by 10. they always ask who im going to be with. when they know the only 2 or 3 friends i do hang out with. I have my only and first boyfriend. which we have been on and off all of last year and have now been going steady since the begining of this year.

now. i hate lying. i really do! but with the way my parents are. i do, do alot of lying to get away with things. to spend more time with my boyfriend. ( who i only get to spend once a week with. and also my parents dont approve much of him ) i know its wrong. But what am i supposed to do?? the more i lie the more i start having this sinking, dark feeling in me.
It almost hurts. ...and my feelings effect my bf, after a while i start to feel depressed which leads me to feeling insecure. and thats where my bf ends up leaving me. because he cant handle me being so clingie and needy. i dont mean to be like that. the main thing i just want is to be with him and all of us be happy! I Love him and my parents. and im not about to choose. but if i had to i would choose him. and im so tired of lying all the time. i live under their house and obey their rules. i never ask for anything much. i do mostly everything around the house for them. i just know how to get them to understand me...