So I have never really kept a journal before. But for some reason I have decided to start doing so. I guess the main reason I wanted to start keeping one is to keep complete honesty with someone, incase I do pass away I want someone to know who I was and what my philosophies are/ were.
I just see myself dying young for some reason, I haven't the clue why I just feel it will happen. I also see millions at my funeral, I want to... I am going to inspire people in this world, I am going to spread my beliefs to the world. When one learns to care for others before themselves everyone will be cared for. I don't believe anyone should go through life alone, no one should be so uninvolved with the world that they result themselves to solitaire confinement of there own social life.
I have a lot of different beliefs on this world and where it stands and all that jazz, I can't say I am completely abstinent, I do feel that there is nothing wrong with the use of marijuana; comment all you want to your own beliefs but thats where mine stand on it. I also feel that in some cases sex before marriage is OK, now God don't strike me down now cause I still intend to remain a virgin until marriage but I just feel that if two people are in love why not? But when I say in love I mean love I dislike that this generation throws that around to one another as often as hello. To me it's a big fucking deal, I will say I love you to my friends because I do.I will say I love you to my family because I do. I strongly dislike though when I am dating a girl for not even a week and she says I love you, it bugs me because I feel that they really don't know what love is and how big of a deal it should be cherished to ones heart. Maybe thats because I have lost a lot in my life though.
By sixth grade I lost all of my grandparents, In sixth grade my own mother went threw leukemia, 7th grade got a little better but no one had really reached out to be my friend so I stayed pretty anti social, then half way through 7th grade I had my little stoner faze and I had one "friend" and when I look back on how friendly we were I realize that he really just used me. Anyway That friendship died half way through 8th grade. Thats also the time my father got checked into the hospital for smoking stogies on the side and not telling anyone, he almost developed lung cancer but luckily both my parents are alive to this day. Around 3/4th of the way through 8th grade year though I did lose someone again and his name was Billy Woods, (see poem Billy Woods) now Billy was a 35 year old man who was a mechanic, ex army officer, family friend, biker, and always had a snake with him. Thats sort of how we met, every summer here where I'm from on the 4th of July we have a small festival and Billy would always be there with a snake (good tip as I learned to pick up women) well I really liked snakes so I would always hang around him. Every forth of july since I can remember he was there except last years :(. But we stayed in touch he was I guess what you would call some what of a role model, just a real stand up guy. I miss him dearly but I knew how to deal with this death since I had dealt with it before at such a young age. I still wish he was around and I would even go as far to say that I loved him because with out him in my life I wouldn't be who I am today, "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" said a wise man some where along in time. since I have dealt with so many hard ships in my life and I know thats just a touch of what other people around the world go through, I still look on the bright side to things most of the time. I also now have only one goal in this life and that is to cheer this world up a smile at a time. So I don't really care if I die young, or If I don't graduate college or even If I live to be a bum cause I know somewhere along the line of my life I will have fulfilled my goals to make people smile and inspire them to be a better person. But I Refuse to stop there, I will keep doing my goal on this earth as if it is a job I have to labor for day and night. And I hope I have inspired ever reading this to inspire others and make other people happy.
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