Is it okay to feel insecure?

Okay. I've come up with the conclusion that I have not been happy since August of 2008.
Yes, I do remember when the last time I was truly happy.
I can't explain what changed my emotions and kept it like that for two years, but something did.
This is sort of off topic, but I got my first boyfriend on December 2nd, 2009.
I can truly say that I was happy.
Everything in life was going the way I wanted it, and I had someone who called me love, beautiful, babe, sang to me, learned Green Day songs on guitar for me, etc.
He made me feel special. After years and years of liking guys, then my best friend's dating them and being ignoring and always put last... It was finally over.
Of course, ladies, boyfriends don't always make you happy.
You're happy for the first week and whatnot, but then reality smacks you in the face again and you're dealing with High School or whatever face to face.
But I was still happier than I ever was. Now, I'm not saying that I need a boy to make me happy... bullshit. But it helps.
Out of nowhere, he dumped me on January 9th. At midnight; via phone.
He told me all these things that ended up being lies. Keeping my hopes up.
Word for word he said, "I know this sounds so cliche, but it's not you... it's me. Really." First of all, I NEVER thought that I would hear that from someone.
Then he blamed me for the break up, then he blamed himself again.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND, DUDE.
Three days later... THREE DAYS... he asks me if I knew this girl; I said no.
The next week at school, he's avoiding me and going to go walk around school with this new chick. SO YOU 'DIDN'T DUMP ME FOR SOMEONE ELSE, HUH!'
He's a liar and scumbag. But I hate the fact that I still like him.
I hate him, he makes me cry, he hurts me, he makes me want to scream...
but I always want to be with him. I've never admitted that, but to one or two people.
But here I am admitting it to the world. Truth is, he's one of my best friends and I'm so glad that he's still in my life... even though he dumped me for a stupid, ugly, fat, blond girl.
I'm not saying that blond's are dumb... but she is LEGIT dumb and air-headed.
Okay. I'm done with this.

Lately... okay, not lately. But ALWAYS, I've felt like with every single one of my best friends, that I'm second. To all of them. I talked to one a few nights ago when she was here asking if I was a good friend, telling her how I felt (which goes into a long story that I won't type out), and saying how if I died that they'd all only care for a week or two then get over me. She ended up glaring at me and saying that none of that was true. Which, I know it's not. But I can't help to feel that way when NONE of them call me to update on each other with their lives, when they call each other. I always find out what's going on a week later after it's already blown over, and I'm tired of it. This only goes towards MS, CM, and CM. You guys don't know them, but I have a best friend in Mibba and I didn't want her to think it was her that I was talking about. : )

This is way too long... I'm sorry.