Boyfriend Emergency!

How can this be possible? How can you possible date a girl for an entire year and tell her you love her every day of that year, but not mean a single word that passed your lips?

I officiallyhate my ex boyfriend with a passion. I fell for him and dated him for a full on year. I stuck with him through his parents divorce and when he went to rehab! And then, he turns out he lied throughout the whole relationship and pretty much cheated on me. He told all these girls he loved them and then he would hangout with them. He even would get on blind dates basically with girls, some of which were my friends! Yeah! My fricken friends! Now he's back in stupid rehab for another two months and I can't stop thinking about him.

I don't care that he cheated and lied. I don't care that he never really loved me. I really did love him. I really did care. I never cheated. I never lied. I never would. I'm not pretending to be this perfect girlfriend or a carbon copy of barbie, but honest to gosh, I didn't do anything on purpose to ever hurt him! I really honestly loved that kid fully with my whole heart and I never would have considering half the things he did.

It just really sucks. I want to forgive him and have him back in my life. I love him. I miss him. I miss the memories of hanging out on my couch, watching movies, late night phone calls. I miss his hugs and kisses and the way he'd hold me when I would cry over something completely stupid. I miss taking walks and talking about everything and anything. I miss holding his hand and getting mad at him. I miss him yelling at me and joking around with me. I miss kissing him in the rain, and making stupid plans with my friends that he didn't even like. I miss everything, especially him.

I feel so completely and utterly alone. I need to figure this out and I really can't alone. I need someone's help, to tell me some advice. It'd be so appreciated.. Please?
August 3rd, 2010 at 04:17am