i feel like i've got nasty things inside of me

aah... it's really hard to explain it but sometimes i feel so dirty. often when i feel stressed i loose weight and it actually makes me feel really good but i'm not blind enough to not notice how thin i can get. the internet is like an escape but it's also like something that just gets wrong ideas in my head i mean writing like this makes me feel free because no one sees it (at least not people i know) but i also find so many things that make me want to loose more weight.

it's not really a physical thing but it seems to make me feel good its weird. my friend said if i wanted to go on a diet that i could do it as long as i went on it with him so hes staying here for a whole week and is going to watch everything i eat or throw up.

eeh people say it can kill me but i don't think it can kill me if i do it only when im feelin down... im a guy after all and the only one in this family... i dont get to feel down

right now im eating this big salad, a big sandwich with many greasy things in it too, ive drank too cokes, i ate two bags of chips and cookies too. and it just feels like a rutine
maa, i lied.. i don't know what i'm doing anymore