why me?

so i moved in to my own apt. with my boyfriend of 2 years. its hard to do. its hard to keep up with rent and bills. im scared im gonna get kicked out. im scared my boyfriends gonna kick my teeth in. no one said it was gonna be easy most people told us we werent gonna be able to do it. we promised each other we can do it and that no matter what we wouldnt give up. but the security check bounced and i had to borrow money from my dad now this month rent is late. what did i do wrong? i was never taught to do bills or handle money. im sorry im a fuck up im sorry im stupid but im not a fuck up im not stupid im just lost. im lost in hte world of love im lost in the world of money. he hates me he told me that today. he wants me to drive my car off a cliff im half tempted to do it. i was in my car in the left turning lane and was starring at a semi and was tempted to put my foot to the petal and floor it straight at the semi to see if i was meant to live. ami meant to live am i meant to feel happiness am i meant to feel love. i dont think so anymore so here i go to go to sleep and fight for another day to stay alive. no matter what it takes.