Lost Myself

In trying to find myself, I've managed to lose myself. 
When I look in the mirror I see me, but not the me that I was before. 
I see the girl whose mother wishes she was more girly. 
I see the girl who is a freak to even the freaks.  
I see the girl whose friends fear her.  
I see the girl who trusts no one but cares for everyone.  
The girl who tries her hardest to look tough on the outside so people don't see that she's crumbling on the inside. 
The girl I was before wouldn't recognize the girl I am 
The girl I am now everyone sees as a bitch. 
The girl I am now everyone thinks they have figured out but they have no idea. 
I have no idea. 
I don't know anything anymore. 
So am I this new girl, or the girl who I lost. 
I don't know. 
Maybe I'll never know. 
I do know that in losing myself I've become content with this new girl. 
She's all I know now. 
So for now I'll stop looking for myself. 
I'll stay lost a little longer
I'll continue being the new girl.