Whyy? :<

Why do I have to look the way I do?
Why do I have to be so fucking insecure about myself dammit!?
I'm one of the most ugliest things on Earth!
I hate my height, I hate my body, I hate my hair at times, I hate how I have to wear make up to feel almost pretty enough to show my face.

Why do I have to be so fat?! I mean, why wasn't I blessed with a high matabulism or whatever. I rarley eat anymore, thoughts of anorexia and bullimia have crossed my mind so much but they say if you do that you get sick and I'm more scared of dying than living a depressing life. I can't wear the clothes I would want because I don't feel comfortable enough to wear them because I'm FAT. Even if I was still fat, I would love to have a fucking confidence. But again, not blessed in that area. I have an egotistical personality but when it comes to confidence and holding myself proud, I fall 6 feet under.

Why does my face have to be so ugly? Why can't I be a natural beauty like the lucky girls who don't have to wear make up or even wake up 30 minutes early to do their hair? I hate breaking out all the damn time, I hate my lips, my eyebrows are ew to me, and my eyes are the dullest green I think I've ever seen. :'(

Why do I have to be 5'11 3/4?! Almost 6'. Why can't I be short!? If I was short I know I would weigh less but plus more guys wouldn't be so fucking intimidated by me. I could wear the heels that I would want to but since I'm 'big foot' I can't wear hardly any shoes I would like unless I pay tons of money.

Why do I have to have such a hard time on making decisions? Why can't I just say "that one" and be proud of what I picked. I always say "What if the other one would have looked better on me?" Then I get all self-concious again about myself.

This shit holds me back from being truely me! Why do I have to even who I am!? I wish the outside could show whats on the outside! Maybe I would get paid more attention too? Maybe I would be noticed by a few guys instead of a look of disgust and then they walk away.

I love being me on the inside but once it's time to get ready on the outside, I hide myself everywhere. I have long legs that I wish were toned enough for me to feel comfortable enough to wear shorts. I wish my arms wouldn't have bye bye fat on them so I could pull off dresses and straps. I wish I had smaller hips so I could wear a smaller size and pull off skinny jeans so much better instead of wearing these stupid flare pants all the damn time. I wish my stomach was more flat than what I've worked on it to be so I could wear more shirts and not have to pile on a cami, a shirt, and then a jacket to hide it all. I wish I could do my make up lightly if my face wasn't so distraught.

Now after writing all of this, I feel even worse because there are other people out there who have less than what I'm already blessed with and I'm whining like the little bitch I am.

Fml....I hate my life. I seriously, just want to cry in a corner and never leave the corner.
Whats the point in living when you feel like your in someone else's body anyways? >.>

Signed,
a fucked up girl who has no self respect for herself...