lock me up baby, I'm the next Ted Bundy ;)

I love journals, infact the journals are stopping me from writing more stories (bad thing). But I just love them. They can be serious, funny, irrelevant... EVERYTHING. even the journals I read and think "Well that was stupid." I still love because they're hilarious.

blah blah, enough love. so I was reasearching serial killers and all that earlier (yeah I do this a lot, they are facinating) and I was trying to distinguish the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath. I am still unsure, different websites say different things but I have gathered that usually a psycho is more violent but both CAN'T FEEL FEELINGS they just fake it.

that is so scary to me.

and I was thinking, do you just know if you are one or what. lemme get this straight, you can be a psycho/socio without being a killer/violent person so I was wondering if I was one a little bit. probs not (just wishful thinking I guess because I think it would be very cool) but the thing is I haven't really felt much love ever. while other girls were all dying for their latest bf to say "I love you" I was there with my wry smile and cynical world view thinking "idiots". If someone says I love you to me I never believe them and generally tell them to fack off.
I can be pretty cold actually and the weird thing is I sort of like that quality about myself, I think it makes me interesting (it probably just makes me a bitch) but also y'know I'll never get hurt and all that jazz.

deep down I'm just a scared little girl I guess but on the outside I am very guarded. I think I am most afraid of embarrassment. clingy girls repulse me and if I was ever to come off like they do I would just die, so I am very careful to not be and I insult EVERYONE I love.

Recently I came out of a sort of datey thingy and it ended pretty well though but they guy told me that a lot of the time when I was messing around being (fake) mean he didn't know if I was joking or not. I think I hurt him. I should be more careful I guess...

I love you all, even you, yes I'm looking at you.