Heart Broken

Okay so I'm going to vent to a friking key board. I am sitting here texting people and crying, and unsure what to die. I really really really like him. He is gonna be legal (18) before I'm even 15. Anything we do is pretty much illegal. I'm miserable, I don't know how he feels about me. I stated I know he doesn't like me and he didn't confirm nor deny it. He invited me to his black belt test for tae kwon doe, I don't know if you realize, but that is like the biggest thing for us in our dojo ever. He also invited me to watch him in the school play, and when I told him I might be in it, he seemed content.

He didn't seemed opposed to the idea of getting together before he found out my age, and he definitely did flirt. I don't know whats happening. I'm a mess and its hard to breathe. Its like I'm in hell. I wanna have him hug me and tell me it will be alright. I want things to be different. But things like age never vary in distance. I don't know, maybe I wasn't meant to be with him. Sometimes though, it feels like we are. I think its killing me. Maybe I don't deserve to be happy. But I sure as hell don't deserve him.