I love you 'cause i love how you're so open with me and tell me everything, i love how you tell me things that you don't even tell scott or lilee sometimes, i love how i listen to those songs and think of you, i love how when i talk to you right before i go to sleep i always end up with a smile on my face, i love how for some reason i always end up telling you shizz that i don't even tell megan, i love how you wrote me a song, i love how you like it when i call you babe, i love how we have our i really dont like you anymore fights, but then you always end up saying i love you baby girl, i love how you get into so much trouble just for me, i love how some nights you leave me with butterflies in my stomach, i love how some nights you end up sending me to sleep hating your guts leaving me with tears streaming down my face, yet the very next day we make up.
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but not anymore....ughh! why did you have to do that?! like you didn't just lie, oh no! you lied about smoking! when we first met i knew you did it, but then once i told you that i didn't like guys that did it that, you said you were gonna stop. stop for me. and you did...at least i think you did.
you said that you didn't want to start a fight since we've been fighting a little bit more often these days, but how do you not realize that you lying to me makes me even more upset?! oh, but it doesn't stop there. oh no! you see, when i asked you to just not lie to me ever again...ilove how you replied, ya. like are you fucking kidding me right now?!?!? like who the fuck responds to their girlfriend like that!?!??!
maybe i never told you this, but i don't trust really easily. but you were being so open with me from the beginning, so i trusted you, like A WHOLE FUCKING LOT! now with this one lie that you told, i'm starting to question everything. like that girl that who was hitting on you, and kissing on you. you said that you told her to back off. when she came to your house that night, you told me she tried to kiss you...again. you said that you didn't kiss her, how do i know this is true anymore? you had said that she was pretty....she's your own age too. as much as i don't want to think like this, i can't help but think that you kissed her.
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you told me to don't worry, and that i should just be happy like always. but i can't just do that! i'm so upset right now that i'm in tears! and i'm not even joking! while on the phone with taylor she could hear it in my voice that i was crying and choking up. like really tye? are you fucking high right now?! like were you just smoking or something?! because i know you have anger issues, and i know how you can act like an ass sometimes. trust me! i know, i have to deal with it every fucking month, when you're on your fucking period! [not literally]
you're pushing your luck with me these days tye, you really are. like i don't understand why i always end up running right on back to you. i feel like you can be such a different person when you want to, why are you like that? you're a guy that can be so sweet, actually listens, and really does care, but some days you act like such a jerk! why tye?! WHY?!
that's what frustrates me so god damn much! i wrote you a love letter last night when you weren't online. it doesn't really have a main topic that i talked about...i mean its a little love note that says how i love you so much. i almost ripped it into a million pieces today. but for some reason i couldn't bring it to myself to do that. i wanted to scribble over all those doodles of your name, of your number, of those hearts that were all over my notes. but i felt that i would regret it if i did.
i want things to work out tye, i really want things to end up working out. even though my trust level for you has kinda gone down, and i'm going to make you work for it back, i really think that on the next 11:11, the next eyelash, the next shooting star, i'm going to wish for things to be okay...for things to go back to the way they were.
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i know that i was all over the place with this journal, but it is just a rant that i really needed to let out. that's not even all of it! there is so much more shizz bottled up inside of me that i just want to let out. and like i feel like telling all this to him because he would be the one i would go to with my problems, he would be the one to make it all better for me. but i can't seeing that it is all about him....see there i go again, still ranting.
alright, i think i'm done for now....i might end up just ranting at another random time tonight. if you actually read all of this, thank you for caring, no sarcasm intended there. [:
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