I feel like I'm gonna lose it again..

I feel like I'm going to explode...my chest hurts and I'm just so...tense. I don't even know why...but if someone pisses me off I'm likely going to snap at them.. So if I do then I'm really sorry... I can barely type..my hands are shaking.. I don't know why...I don't know why I feel like this..but I hate it.. I really hate it...

-sits on the floor- :'( I need a hug..

I just feel so overwhelmed.. I keep getting all these...bad thoughts. Thoughts about hurting myself... I'm trying to stop..and it's been a while..but I really feel like I need to again..like I need to feel the relief it brings.. I need this feeling to be gone.. But I know I can't... But I want to.. I'm having a battle in my head right now.. I don't know what to do.

There's things that I feel like I can't take anymore..and I want them to be over..but there's nothing I can do..I'm trapped... I really don't know what to do..I'm scared..

I'm scared of my past. I'm scared of the present. And I'm scared of what the future will bring.. I'm scared of my own mind..

I feel awful... :(

And I still don't know what to do...

F*ck!!! Why does quitting have to be so hard? I don't think I can make it... I'm not strong enough.. I stopped myself a few days ago.. I almost did..I had the blade pressed against my leg..but I didn't..I threw it across the room..and now I want to again..it just keeps getting harder and harder...not easier..

:'( I saw a rope earlier today...and my immediete thought was not innocent..it was bad.. Everytime I see scissors or a knife or a rope or pills or anything..my mind goes back to the memories of dark places that I don't want to remember.. I can't even use scissors for normal purposes without feeling upset anymore..

I don't know what to do..someone please help me? I don't want to do something stupid.. But I'm afraid I might..