I admit my feelings... sorta

I would rather not have to resort to writing a 'journal' to try to help me feel better with one of my 'confusions,' but it seems that is what it has come to. I cannot, for the life of me, figure this out, which just makes it all worse!
Well, I may as well get on with it…

It all started out as a joke, right? I thought so, but now I am not so sure. I know my feelings were starting to bloom before the "joke" came about, but I have no idea what you are feeling. There are some signs telling me that maybe, possibly, you feel for me what I feel for you. There is a problem inside this problem; I am taken and you love your boyfriend. Or, at least, I believe that is what you told me. You are flirty with me at times and continually trying to get me to see the good in myself, but, for all I know, you are like that with all your friends. You are gorgeous, kind, and a great friend. Whenever we are not talking, I miss you greatly. I feel as though we never do get to talk because when we do something makes it so there is a sudden stop, and because of a clash in our schedules, we are never online around the same time.
I just… have no idea what to do because I really like you.