I can't say much. Maybe I'm insane for loving someone that can never be mine....But sometimes you can't help but to fall...head first. It's like...a connection you could say you have with them and its like they can see you when no one else ever tried to. It hurts every day to see him but I want to see him anyways cuz he makes me a better me. Is that crazy...I hold my head high and put a smile on and try to hide everything...I wish I didn't have to.
Is it crazy to think that maybe I may cross his mind once in a while? Yes...I think so. Hes one person in this huge world and i can't get him out of my head and sometimes i wish he would be put in my position to see and feel what i feel for once. He thinks he knows but really he doesn't have a clue.
Love hurts but without love do you really live? I think I need him in my life...but I don't think I do. I'm stuck in a place, drowning in my own heart and feelings. I wake up from a good sleep and am thrown into a teenage reality of hormones, heartbreak and outcasts. Its hard to live that way.
I Love him. With all my heart i could say. I would give him everything in a heart beat...but him...would he?...i will never know.
Not to long ago I had been happy..fully. With a good head on my shoulders and a brain between my ears...I new what I wanted and I had to do to get it. Now it seems that no matter which way i turn there's always something blocking my way...my head...my heart...tears and hurts from the past and what i no will come from the future. I don't no how to get rid of this feeling that's borrowing a deep hole in my heart...I don't know if it will be fixable...It won't scar..It'll just keep getting bigger and bigger till its impossible to ignore and let go...
I don't want this...this isn't me. I love life and I love people and laughing being free to see the world and understand it. I've been through too much to just let go now. I've dealt with being alone all my life...and loosing people all my life...loosing the best of friends to the sisters beside me. Why can't i just get through this? I love the world and I living it...But this is not love, to feel this way about someone...it is love but really if its constant pain how can it be?
He keeps asking why can't I let go? And I can't answer him because I don't know. I feel with my heart not my head and I can't just just turn it off. I wish I could but who would I be than if i just could stop feeling in an instant. A monster...cold heart...it seems that way. I'm not that and I will never be that. I wish I could answer him and be able to say I have let go...but I can't
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