Thinking About the Past

So, I know everyone has those days when they think about the past couple of years, and how much their lives have changed. It seems to happen more often then not for me though. And they all have triggers, right? What's my trigger? I never really know.

This time its was listening to the song Breakeven by The Script. Now, there could be many reason why it was that song. I think I know the main reason though. Just a couple months ago my ex, the first guy I ever said I love you to..the first guy that broke my heart, told me that song reminded me of him.

Honestly, to me it's the other way around. Have you ever really listened to that song?! The girls the one that didn't get hurt, and the guy did. I'm totally the one that got hurt the most! I think?

Anyways, that's what triggered it this time. Now, I'm left wondering.

Wondering how my life got like this. Wondering how I am who I am at this very moment. Wondering if things will ever go back to the way they were. Wonder about the future. Wondering about everything.

I feel like crying my eyes out because I'm thinking about the past I've had. No, I'm not saying that my past is the worst past ever, but it's bad from what I've seen in my own life.

Thinking about it...I'm starting to wonder how I can trust anyone. The people that I've put the most trust in have always been the ones to let me down. I've put certain people on pedestals so high that even I get hurt when they fall.

There's that guy that I mention up their. I've been spending a lot of time with him recently..and my feelings might me coming back.Not that they ever went away. I don't want that to be happening though. I don't want to open myself up for that hurt again. I couldn't handle it.

What do you think makes us make the choices we do make? Fate? Stupidity?

Do you think that when we were born our lives really were sketched out for us already? That we couldn't choose any other path? This is what's meant to happen?

Or do you think our future has many possibilities? That our life is the way it is because of the choices we make at that very moment and can change when we make another decision?

I myself honestly don't know what I believe. I do, however, believe that what happens is meant to happen. But if there is such a thing as God, and I do believe in him but if you don't, why would he want us to go through all this..this pain..

That's something to keep you up in the middle of the night thinking about.