It's weird. Five months ago, when I saw you, I felt like I was still with you. Almost like when I saw you I would see me not too far behind. That I absolutely needed only your presense to feel whole. For years, it went from crush, to a true love. From 6th grade to 11th, you were in my life. Whether we hated each other or not, you were there. It's like you've had part of my heart since we met.
Lately, I have been trying to get over you. I know, pathetic, it's been forever, move on, it's high school. But I am a very emotional person, and to me it was so much more then that. And I know, when we were dating, it was to you too. And it's been really hard for me to just drop my emotions and walk away. I understand that it was my fault, and for the rest of my life, I will be saying sorry. But regardless, I still loved (and part of me probably always will love) you. So I've been forcing myself, for my own mental health state, to get over you. And it's been really hard, and I've been trying really hard. But part of me still saw me with you.
Then today, when I was riding in the car with a good friend, I realized that I'm changing. I realized this because when I saw you today, I didn't feel this sense of misplacement. I didn't feel sorrow for missing you, but sorrow for what we had, and how things have changed. I realized I wasn't there anymore. And I know deep down that's a good thing. But part of me still wishes that I was younger, laying in your arms, on a lazy Friday night. And I know that this is how things were supposed to be. And I realize, though I still feel lost, my heart is no longer with you. We have both changed, and we changed two different ways. We know nothing about each other anymore. We grew apart, almost on purpose, to try and move on, and that's just how it is supposed to be. Yeah, it's hard realizing that we'll never even be friends again. But we can't. Who we used to be worked really well together. But now it seems like both of us are better off.
You're going to have a great future, with a great job, a great house, and a great family. You'll have a perfect wife who can make you happy for the rest of your life, and I truly believe that. Whoever you marry will have to thank me though for giving you up (once again, sorry). Personally, I'm hoping to find someone. I don't know if it's going to happen. But I have the next 4 years of my life with new people.
This chapter of my life is over. My childhood years are done, and I think I realized this today. I turned to a new page. Chapter two. It's time to grow up, be an adult, and leave my high school emotions behind.
Thank you, for making me happy everytime you did. I could honestly never repay you for such a deed.
This goes out to my ex-boyfriend. I don't expect him to see this, ever. But I needed to vent how I felt.
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