How would you feel?

Dear Diary,
every relationship has its problems. some worse then others, but how do we get through them> So you just ignore it and hope it does away or do you fight with your loved one? maybe sit does and talk about it? but when id after all that or whatever you do, you still feel like utter shit? Connor and I have been having problems lately. Everyone does. We have been together almost 9 months and he does stiff that hurts me, but doesn't mean to or doesn't realize it. lost weekend we got into an argument because we never do anything new. we never go out and do anything but he does with his friend Evan all the time.(yes, i am jealous of their "bromance") then the next day i found out he is talking to his ex-girlfriend again (the same he he broke up with for me) i told him how i felt about it, but i don't know if he is still talking to her or not. and the suckish thing about it is he never tells me anything. i always find stiff out some other way. like his ex-girlfriend Kayla thing, i found out from facebook. i bet he is still friends with her on it too. then this weekend.. i don't can what people say about it i just brush it off. i am not the prettiest or skinniest girl in the world but i am not horrible looking.. Friday, March 25, 2011, Connor went to Evans house, which was fine i don't care about that. Saturday he picked me up on the way home from Evans so we could go to my gammas house but we had to stop at his house so he could change. so on the way to his house we were joking around and laughing having fun while he told me about what they did the night before. until he looks at me and says' "we were going through out facebook friends and looking at their pictures and this girl steph! babe, i love you, but her body!" my smile turned into a frown and it look everything i had not to cry. i didn't say a work to him til we got to his house. (it is scary how well i can hide how i really feel in front of people) then we got back in the truck to go to my grammas and i sat there he whole way looking out the window and sitlently cryingthen we got to grammas and i did it again. hid my emotions so we could have a nice time. i seem to be doing that a lot lately. hiding how i reallyfeel, and no one seems to notice. im just that good i guess. i still feel like crap about what he said. i never cared what people said/ called me beacue i dont love them i love connor and it hurt more then anything him saying that to me. im not skinny he doenst look at me like that and he surely doesnt say it about me.. i feel like i am not good wnought for him now like he looks at other girls and pretends i am them or something. i am at school right now so i am trying not to cry.. no one would care or notice anyway..
</3 -me

~ just because she looks happy, doesnt mean she is.