3/19/YR(2011)

we need to slow down, its too serious for me. thats all i wanted to say, but i couldnt get the right words ur way. i couldnt love u the way u were expecting, im too damaged to do that so fast. u say ive had plenty of time, we should just be friends. my pain wrenching screams stifled into my pillow, tears flowing down my face, leaving stains across my skin. i want to cut, deeper than ever before. maybe deep enough to end the pain this time, once and for all. but a loving glance from my mom tells me shes here for me like shes always been before. i wish i could press rewind and never mention my opinion to you. i could hit backspace and rewrite that part of our story and it would repair itself to a happy ending. the pain wont stop, no matter how fine i act. i paste a happy face on and skip through the day, apathetically not listening to anyone, consumed in my painful thoughts. almost 6 months, but just not quite. one day i hope, ull find ur perfect miss right. the one i told u about when u didnt want to listen. i told u shed be prettier than me, she wouldnt be damaged like me, she wont have the walls i have, shell understand everything about u, shell be open to love, she wont subconsiously sabotage all the good things that happen to her, shell never be uncomfortable around u, and most of all shell love u in the way u wanted me to. im sorry for not being able to break apart my walls after 6 months but maybe one day ull understand.