My Online Apology To "Kofi Monah"...

Dear Kofi,
I am sorry that I told you that Kentucky Fried Chicken went out of business on April 1, 2011 (April Fools, you hoe). It was a joke and I am a wonderful liar. I'm Mexican, Kofi, come on now. And you've known me since 4th grade. Remember, me and you were the darkest and most ghettoist kids in class? Remember when we had to play slaves in that one fucked up play?
So please, forgive me. I didn't think that you would try to stab me in class. I thought that you were going to wait till after class to murder me. Instead, you got Joi's hand.
Nigga man, please forgive me. Hell, if I had no soul, do you think I'd be apologizing? Plus, when Ms. Chinchin (who will probably have me, you and Joi on seperate sides of the classroom on Monday) asked us what we did, Nasim and Joi told me to raise my hand and say that I pranked you. It was fucked up that I said I pranked you. You were very pissed off at me. I'm sorry.
Blackie, please forgive me. I will buy you lunch on Monday. Please be our sassy gay friend on Monday and Tuesday? Joi will bring the ribs for you!
So here's where I end this journal entry/ public apology; NIGGA MAN YOU BETTER PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL ME AND SAY YOU FORGIVE ME OR I WILL CUT OFF MY MIGGER SECURITY SYSTEM FOR YOU!
I said I was sorry. You ain't got shit on me now.
Here....I'll make you a deal....I'll write a sex scene in a story. You said that Joi's sucked, so I'll do a better one (no offense to Joi's FIRST scene though...). This one will include Frank Iero, covered in chocolate syrup, peanut butter and doing it with a bunch of kittens watching. Just like you wanted Joi's foursome scene to be like. I can't believe that I'm going to write that for you if you forgive me. That's how much I value-er, more like need protection from some dirty niggas- our friendship.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FORGIVE ME, BOYWHOISDARKERTHANSHADE!!

You're Migger, Izzy