Ten Inches Tall

I didn't plan on going to the wedding, for I knew I'd see you there. But my best friend - your cousin - called me to say she'd be home for the occasion. Knowing I might not see her for a long time, I accepted her invitation, though I had already been invited by your mother.
It wasn't anything special. I knew I shouldn't get worked up - so I didn't. But I did work hard to show my best friend my new haircut. A haircut that had to be done. Not just for fun, but because every time I looked in the mirror, I was reminded that I'd grown my hair out for you. But it's gone now, cut short just like our time, and I can't say that I miss it. Not really.
The wedding. . . I was on pins and needles. Not just because I knew you'd be there, but because I generally dislike weddings. They're fine and wonderful for others, but seem more like a trap to me. And weddings means dancing. You and I - and everyone else - knows that I don't dance.
I sat there most of the evening, though the ceremony in itself was quaint and moving. Following my best friend around like a lost puppy even though I knew half the people there was just another day around her family since you'd come back. Cousins that lived next door. . Who knew this would end up this way? It's so awkward now. And I know that's not my fault. You promised me we could still be friends and yet you ignore me. You treat me as if I'm a virus infecting your family, your life. And all the while, you paraded around this blond at the wedding, clinging to her while shooting me glances across the way.
I don't understand. What is it that I did that made you change so much towards me? That made you go back on your word? Did I do something so wrong that you can't look me in the eye any longer?
It just. . . Makes no sense. I did nothing wrong. I was honest. I tried to keep you close while you were far away, but not everyone is cut out for long-distance relationships. And waiting is harder than you believe. It's not something that I was raised to anticipate or go through. It's not something I'm hardwired to be able to do. And two years is longer than it seems.
But that wedding. . You didn't have to treat me like that. You didn't have to act like I was air when every single member - old and new - treated me as one of their own. It hurt. More than you ever could imagine. I don't think you understand what you're doing. I haven't changed so much that you no longer know who I am, and you haven't changed that much, either.
So stop, please. I feel ten inches tall when I'm around you. Like dirt beneath your feet. As if I'm not worthy to be in the same room as you anymore. And you know I'm not going to disappear. Not when I'm so integrated with your family. Not when I will continue to be friends with your cousins, brother, sisters, Aunts, Uncles, Mom and grandparents. . How can you expect me to vanish just like that after all the pain and suffering you put me through? While you were gone, I dealt with hearing your name whispered behind my back, shouted to my ears and seeing your picture everywhere. Your little brother wore your cologne, your cousins pried and poked for answers, and your letters kept left me wanting, wishing.
I'm not the vengeful type, nor am I easily hurt, but you. . . You put me through more pain, make me feel so small and insignificant just by standing on the other side of the room that it makes me wish for your unhappiness almost as much as I wish for you to smile every day - even if it's not because of me. I don't understand. There is nothing between us now when there used to be so much. So why? Why ignore me only to glance across the way when you think I'm not looking? Why do you look at me as if you're scared sometimes? Why do I have to suffer when it's already over? Why must I, who has no feelings for you, feel ten inches small and as if I'm still shrinking?