I dont know what to title this, no name seems to fit

Okay, so today I had a whole bag of hot Cheetos before I went to school and when I came home, they were gone. How you ask? Well, my little brother is a fat turd face that has no respect or disregard for anyone, that’s how. At least he didn’t find my two liter of pop, hey a girls gotta have her junk food sometimes. Anyway, ten dollars of junk food a month isn’t too bad compared to others, at least I’m not like my mom. I swear the bitch is always drunk, I come from school or late from a sport; and what do I come home to? A drunk bitch raving and mad telling me how stupid I am, she’s promised us she would stop drinking two times. I knew she wouldn’t the first time, she was once an alcoholic and now after fifteen long grueling years, she’s finally had her relapse. It’s all my fault too, I have split the family completely in two and have no one to blame but myself.

Sometimes, okay a lot of the time, I want to die. Then I remember the toothless little old man with only his canine teeth giving my dad a 60% discount when we stopped at his motel stranded in Portland trapped in an icy snow storm just because my dad had chosen to stop and not drive us home. Later on the news we saw there were a whole bunch of car crashes on I-5, which was the road we would have taken to get home. After him I see the little old lady having an asthma attack and telling my neighbor’s black and brown and white splotched kitty to go away, then her kind words telling me what a blessing I am for helping her for shoeing the cat away and keeping her away until her fit ended, she used up three inhalers. Next I see all the little tiny details that everyone else skips over but I notice, like the hopelessness in a homeless person’s eye, or the faint tear stains almost covered up on the bitchy prep’s face, or the pain in the silent girl’s eyes, the same pain that eats me up on the inside too.

It seems impossible to die, I feel horrible too right now. Before my brother left for church, I called him a stupid fat fucktard blubber head. I didn’t mean it, honest, I was just beyond pissed and needed a quick outlet before I exploded. It’s no excuse for the way I acted though, but he trespassed stole and snooped through my property. I hate him, I honestly hate him. Maybe if he wasn’t such a turd I would like him more, but he only changes for the worst, he will never get better, ever. Once in a while when we were in public, well okay every time now, I wish I wasn’t relate to him and pretend like I don’t know him. Call me a hypocrite if you like for acting like one of those snobby girls if you like; go ahead, I don’t care.

Speaking of snobby girls making your life a living Hell, there is this group of girls and they have some absurd idea that I’m lesbian, which I am not, and I think I would know, not them. They don’t even know me, and now they never will. I’m afraid to walk down the hall they lurk in, they tried to target me last year too, probably because I don’t have much friends and am to different for they’re liking. I am after all just the quiet little tom-boy girl seen alone most of the time. Which I try now not to do, for my sake in case I snap one of these days, good thing there graduating this year though, then I will just have to focus on the other bullies. I wonder what they think of when they bully me, what runs through their minds? Do they even think of the damage and pain there inflicting? Well, I kind of really want to watch a movie right now, so I’m gonna go now, bye.