Boundaries

Physical boundaries simply like the garden fence separating you and a neighbour or as complicated as fences separating farmers’ fields. Both of these are difficult to cross without facing the wrath of an angry owner.

Psychological boundaries simply like overcoming a short term fear or as complicated as overcoming a suppressed fear of the past.

The depth of boundaries in our lives can prevent us from moving forward because there is something obstructive in our way which we find difficult to face. This obstruction could be there by choice to frustrate us or be there subconsciously without awareness. On the other hand, boundaries are there for our safety, and if we breach them, we are faced with another fear. Fear of the unknown, the uncomfortable.

Boundaries create personal space such as your bedroom door. This is a boundary that without permission should not be broken. An open bedroom door metaphorically means the let down of defence, an open invitation for anyone to enter. This is not true because within the bedroom there are personal belongings which should not be touched without permission. This presents us with the case of the invisible boundary, which can be seen in classrooms. Even if the classroom door is open, students are not allowed to enter without the presence or permission of the teacher, who is the owner of the classroom like you are the owner of your room.
Boundaries provide us with the comfort and security in life, and if these change, then so does other aspects of our lives. We all put boundaries in our minds on things we do not like to tell others unless we trust them. Trust is like a key to the locked door. It is permission to enter the classroom of our minds and uncover things. This is different for each person depending on how much they trust others, allowing them access to different parts, with some areas being locked without a key to open it. But sometimes we are mistaken with trust. We trust each other too much and accidentally leave the doors that should be locked open. This is when boundaries become fragile and it’s too late. We’ve said too much. And we have regrets.

Regrets can also arise from creating an image to please others rather than pleasing ourselves. A common aim of many people including myself is pleasing others. This is when we lose our original identity and become part of others identities. In terms of psychology, this is termed as conformity. We conform to the majority position rather than the minority position and blame actions on others because we become ‘agents’ and act on others commands. So how does this link appearance and boundaries? Well, we set up boundaries between the person we used to be and who we are now. It only takes others to notice that we have placed the boundary. We do not realise the boundary because we are comfortable in our new self, as we are led to believe that this new self is the correct one, and so we become cemented in this position, deepening the role, when people were actually comfortable with who we used to be, but are too shy or scared to say so, because they do not want to lose you, a good friend or other half, a person who is most important in their lives.

However, some people become strong enough to speak up. This is a major fault in society as before the influential minorities such as Nelson Mandela spoke up for what they believed in, people were stuck in stereotypes and were not aware of this because of these unconscious boundaries. Therefore this is another type of boundary, which is due to society, which we choose to name as a consequence of others, such as blaming a change in appearance and identity because of a new relationship, more commonly with the other sex. This is a significant example of when we point the finger, but I question whether it is our own faults that we choose to become a different identity. We chose to be with that person, but when we are let down we are lost because it is like we have lost a part of who we are, and it takes a while to find ourselves again. This is another harmful consequence of the boundaries which we can all hopefully identify with, in any kind of relationship. These boundaries are an example of what holds us back in life. I will continue to discuss this and other boundaries which can be considered as allowing us to rise above them and move on in life, but on the other hand, maybe the ones that are actually holding us back.

To be continued...:) comments please! Feedback would be great, really working on this sort of thing, so if you like, more to come, but not too soon, I write when I'm inspired, hoping that will be a little more often than at the moment!!!