Stuck.

Dear Journal,
Today was very painful. I could hardly see past the hurt. I prayed a lot because it felt right but I still felt so alone. Fighting back the tears is becoming harder by the day. I am not strong enough right now. My mom cried today about the stress she's under and it was then when I decided I'd never tell her about the things I'm going through. She doesn't need the extra problems. She calls me her voice of reason but how can I be that when everything I know is completly distorted? My headaches are getting worss and I feel so down. I feel so... desprate for hope. Today was a bad day. Normal days are pretty okay. I can avoid thinking of the pain and I can avoid crying until I'm in my room at night. Today, though, was a bad day. I couldn't control the way I felt. I couldn't smile at the sun shine. I couldn't breathe in the fresh air and thank God for a beautiful day. I couldn't even see past tomorrow. And the tears.. they tears came in rivers. I just wanted to scream until the pain went away. But it never goes away. It's like a storm cloud hovering over. I think the shock is wearing off now.I can't breathe. I can't sleep. I can't think. I'm in my own world of chaos and confusion and none of this makes sense. I scream for something better then this but it never comes. Why do I feel so hurt? Why can't it just go away. I feel as if my heart was ripped from my chest. Somehow I know I'll make it through but I can't even imagine what could possibly take away the hurt. I feel stuck here in this moment, in this day forever.
-Nicole.