Oh, dear God. If he wasn't already crazy enough, this sh*t made him worse.
So we're driving up the mountain, right? And a motorcycle goes past. Dad loves them to death, he misses his Harley, but he was like "That's one thing you need to stay away from. Motorcycles and mexicans."
I died.
Then he goes, "Yo mang, didja make eet across da border awright?"
"Yeah mang, but it sure was tricky, ya know? Barely made it a couple feet over..ze popo was comin'."
Then as if this sh*t isn't enough, he starts laughing and then points to the can and goes "I SWEAR, THIS SH*T IS NOT MAKING ME TALK LIKE THIS. I AM JUST...HAVING A GOOD TIME."
We go past some mailboxes.
"I thought those were people." - me
"Might as well have been."
He littered again.
"DAD. I SAW THE CAN. AND YOUR HAND. STOP."
"IT JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW! I SWEAR ON MY GOD!"
"...On your God?"
Yeah he so threw the can out the window on a backroad. He has to stop that but I think he just doesn't want Grandma to see it in the trash and wonder what the hell he thinks he's doing, drinking while I'm driving.
"If the cops come - "
"I don't give a sh*t, you're driving. Not me. They can do no tests on ME!"
"Shutup. Stupid."
"Don't you mouth me, I'll blow this lemonadadada on you."
"That's not how you say it in spanish."
"Anyway, the cops aren't gonna do anything to ME."
"YOU ARE GOING TO LISTEN TO A WHOLE LOT OF STUFF AND YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW IT. I MEAN - YOU'LL KNOW YOU'RE LISTENING BUT YOU WON'T KNOW YOU'RE A LEARNIN'. THAT'S WHAT I MEANT."
So who wants to come on a roadtrip with my dad and I?