Awkward at the relatives.

I planned to come see my brother a few months ago, and was really excited about it, flying out and staying with him for awhile.
This morning I woke up, checked my suitcase twice, got everything ready, hugged and kissed my puppy goodbye and went off to the airport.
After an extremely long, boring flight which was delayed to take off, and delayed to land-due to bad weather-I finally hurried off the plane.
They let the passengers out outside, in the pouring rain, we all made a mad dash for the terminal.
When I entered I was wet, my makeup up messed up and my clip-up corset top unravelling to um, reveal a bit too much due to cheap material :/ -Thank heavens I brought I jacket-.
I had a mini panic attack when my brother wasn't around, turns out he'd been there waiting for an hour and the minute he walked away for a cup of coffee, was the minute I got inside.
Found him, walked through the huge airport to baggage claim, where I stood there zoning in and out waiting for my suitcase.
Eventually I went to the bathroom to fix the situation with my top, when I got back my brother had my bag, when he opened it up to stuff my laptop case inside, I found that my bottle of like $60 perfume broke!

Not one drop was left inside, and despite the fact that I had wrapped it up in an old t-shirt, it still managed to soak my school notebooks, ruining the pages -.-

Anyway we got to his and my sister in laws' townhouse, talked vaguely for a bit before he turned on football and his buddy came over.
Even with a pomeranian and two dogo argentinos jumping around, two grown men shouted and laughing, after some dinner, I passed out on the couch next to them.
Woke up and stared at the screen for the next 2 and a half hours without knowing what the hell was going on there.
All I see are men with tights running around with a brown ball and painfully tackling each other.
Most my conversion was cooing to the dogs that flopped down besides me or begged me for my food.

Today I found something out, I don't know how to act around my brother. He's cool/nice and all, but he went off to the army when he was 17 and I was real little, I swear we still haven't caught up, especially with him not knowing half the shit that went down at home while he was in the army.

It doesn't help that he doesn't really know about my mental disorders and he thinks I'm just a moody teen most the time. He used to be a sergeant, and now is some top guy at his work, usually for him, when he tells people to snap out of it, they do it.
I don't, I can't.
And that pisses him off.

Right now I'm afraid choosing to come for almost 2 weeks was a stupid idea. I hate my red neck hometown, but feeling like a idiot around him 24/7 is just as suckish.
Everything here to me is just flat out...Awkward, even though he doesn't know it how I feel at all.

I don't even know why I'm writing this, maybe I'm just a complete idiot for feeling this way and writing it down.
It's very late, I should probably get to sleep.