No, the one thing on my mind.

No.
This is the one word I want to yell across the world at the top of my lungs. I want to shriek it at the heavens so the stars in the sky will look down and question the pain they just heard.
No.

"No," to the last girl who hurt me. You don't get a second chance because you're lonely. I don't have those feelings for you anymore. Our entire relationship was based off of something more than a friendship, and you ruined that. I used to think it was my fault, but now I realize the truth. I was a fling you used to make yourself feel happy. So back off, I have much more important things to deal with now.

"No," to my mother who thinks I am worthless. I am so much more than you could ever hope to be, so stop trying to make me feel like I was a drunken mistake. Some of the greatest men and women were the result of one night with too much liquor, and I intend on making myself just as substantial as any of them. You have fought all the way into my adulthood to try and push me into the life you envisioned me in, and in the end, you have failed.

"No," to my best friend. I will not continue to live my life without you. Here is a situation where I truly am in the wrong. I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize that I was in love with you. If there were such a thing as time travel, I'd go back and tell my stupid self that fact, that reality. I was in love with you then, as I am now, I just could not see it through the bullshit of life. I can never apologize enough for how often I let you pass by me, and now, it finally has cost me. I wish you could have seen the gears click when I finally realized just how much you mean to me. I only wish you could pry a little further into my mind, just like you used to, and see that on the night I made the stupid drunken mistake to tell you everything, that I never for one second wanted our friendship to change. That if I ever had you, it wouldn't be like those relationships based off of mere attraction. It would have the love we already had for one another, as friends, at the core. Now though, I am hanging on to our friendship by a thread, one whose fiber is cutting into my palm with great pain. And I will never let go. I know you have someone right now, and I will forever respect that. It hurts, dear god does it hurt, to hear you say that right now, you aren't ready for a romantic relationship with me. However, it hurts much, much more barely having you as a friend at all, and I am doing my best to try and mend things. I just need your help as well. Please work with me on this. Our friendship was too good to let die like this.

"No," to the boy who is with my best friend. You will not get to hurt her again. I had to see the heartbreaking sight of her broken by you, and you will not get the chance to do it again. Your pathetic excuse was accepted by her, because she is vastly more forgiving then I am. You do anything to harm her again though, and I will break every pacifist bone in my body to see that you never will be able to break another heart again while you breathe.

"No," to the closest thing to a brother I have. As much as it pains me to say, our lives will not be forever intertwined like I'd always hoped. This has been a long and drawn out conclusion actually, but it has been ever more apparent as of late that our lives are going in different directions. I will miss you dearly when our farewell does finally come. Just know for the rest of our lives, I will always consider you family regardless of blood. i can never thank you enough for being the Ron to my Harry.

"No," to my father. I will no longer give credit to my mother for raising me, despite your wishes. You are the most humble and greatest man I have ever had the privilege of having in my life. You are the sole reason why I strive to be a good person, no matter the burden. Thank you for never letting me throw down a task and quit. The lessons you have taught me I value more than anything else.

I write these words because of fear, honestly, Fear that there may be no record of them in the future, as the writer may not be around much longer in order to write. The doctors said that I should not worry unless I started to cough blood, which is exactly what I did Friday. The next few days and perhaps even months will hold great tribulation for me, and this is where I state my last "No,"

If death is on the horizon, I direct the most powerful "No," I have ever uttered at it. "No," I will not go quietly and painfully into the night. I am going to fight and yell and scream and kick until you literally have to wrestle me down and throw me at St. Peter at the pearly gates. My whole life I have lived almost silently, with nary but a peep from me. This will be no more.

Dad, I love you so much. Whatever happens, thank you. I know that whether I make it through this or not, you will stand by my side and guide me.

Phil, I truly do not even know where to begin. You have showed me mercy, courtesy, and love even in times when I was not deserving. I know however terrified I may be in the next while, you will be able to make me smile and laugh as if nothing were wrong.

Caitlin, I love you. I'm sorry it took me so long to finally say it. Whether it matters anymore or not, I always did. Every whisper I mentioned to you about blindly missing the girl standing right in front of me, I was never talking about anyone other then you. I still laugh at the day you called me dork, and I thought that you hated me, only to find out that from you, that was a compliment in the highest regard. Thank you for everything, and I hope that you will still be in my future, friend or more. To this day I wish I could catch your voice in a jar and listen to it again and again, because it would never stop me from smiling.