letters to mom : letter 5

dear mom,
i didnt kill myself....not yet at least. i apologize for going off on you like i did. i just coudn't help it. i love you mom. and i hope you love. sometimes i do question your love for me. only because i cant remember us ever having a real conversation with us both talking. of course because i was only a little kid when you died. i told the doctors how i felt the other day and they just made me feel stupid. i cant explain how just the way they talk to me. it just made it worse. i i'm sure, but i think that's why i was so angry yesterday. you didnt deserve the way i spoke to you. i cant say i wont do it again because my emotions are really shaky sometimes. i love you mom and i'm sorry. i just dont know what to say. every time i try to talk kay she starts crying then my grandad starts yelling and my sister starts talkin sxxx. i know i make them feel like crap but its just me telling the truth. i dont mean to make them angry. and if i could stop feeling this way....i would. but i cant. i feel like i would be losing a part of me if i stopped. so yeah. im sorry and i'll talk to you later.