These days.

Have you ever thought of something so much that you begin to stop breathing?
Have you ever screamed so loud that you couldn't even hear yourself?
The past few days have been really confusing for me, and I don't know how much more I can take of it. I'm two seconds away from yelling at him for doing this to me, my mind is racing with so many questions that I have no chance of ever getting them answered.
My heart is beginning to turn into ash, and the only way to make it stop is your love. By looks of these past few days, your love is no where to be found. From time to time I will see that love in your eyes, but right away that love fades away. He has my heart right the palm of his hand, and I'm waiting patently for the day he breaks it. The day he will throw my heart on the ground, stomps on it, stabs it without thinking, grabs it and squeeze it. When he is finished he will leave it on the ground and not care what will happen to me.
At this point all I can do is dream and dream. There is nothing else that will help my pain disappear. I will think about you all the time, but lately these memories have been bringing me tears. I'll rip my own heart out so I don't have to be reminded of how much I love you. I'll turn up the music so loud so I can no longer hear your voice in my head. I'll duck tape my eyes my closed so I don't get lost in your eyes. I'll do anything to know the truth, I'll do anything to know that you love me. I need my heart beat back.