Would someone proofread something I wrote?

Would someone be willing to proofread a short story that I have written before I post it? It's for a contest, namely this one. It's completely written, I just want someone to proof read it for me.

I still need to come up with a title, so if anyone wants to help me with that... haha. Just joking. Not really.

It isn't often that I proofread anything, but this is slightly longer than anything I really write on a normal basis, and I couldn't see anything wrong with it. But, I'm sure there are a few small grammar mistakes.

It's around roughly 2,400 words. (I'm not exactly finished, it's at 2,122 now, and I still need to think of a conclusion here.)

It's pretty much just a descriptive essay with a story tied around it, but I don't think it's boring like a descriptive essay. I did well with not repeating adjectives.

c: Can someone help me here?

Edit; Okay. It's done now. It's only 2,302 words. Anddd. I'll comment swap something, since that's apparently a big thing on here now.

Damn you, bribery.... xD