Based on My Hopes

Hey.
I know right, first I finally come back after seemingly being dead, then I write a JOURNAL?!

So I'm listening to VH1's Musical Memories: 20 All Time Love Songs! and I'm dwelling over the fact that I actually have NO memories of love. Because I've never experienced it, or even close.

In fact, I'm finding it quite funny because Brian Adam's Everything I Do (I Do It For You) is playing and all I can think of is when Stewie from Family Guy did a cover of it for Susie Swansan (Yeah, I know their names).

Despite Family Guy hilarity, I have no idea why I listen and watch such romantic stuff. I'd like to think I'm not the only one who does this. Surely I'm not, right? I mean, everyone wants romance, and since I can't get any I like watching it, even though it makes me pine for the real thing even more.

That's the main reason I write Frerard's. Because everything I write, I want to happen to me. I want the rush of feeling you get when you see their face, or even hear or think of them, I want to have the fuzzy feeling in my stomach when they wrap their arms around me, protect me, make me forget about my horrible day.

All these things I've only heard of, I've fabricated them in my head from everything I've read, seen and hoped.

Its hard to keep hope that all this will come true, let alone to Frank and Gerard in real time ;) but to me as well. I try and block the idea that maybe it won't come true. It hurts to much to think that I'll remain in my state of loneliness for the rest of my life.

I don't mean to depress you, which this journal has probably has done, but I just wanted you to know, that if you feel like this then... Sames.