right now

as if my life couldn't get any worse. even though a small number of people are there for me, it isn't the same if you don't have a parent who loves and cares for you , the way they use to. too much is going on right now. life isn't the way it use to be. the slap of reality hit hard and i can't take it. though i am not the same as i use to be, i use to think that cutting and suicide is the only way out of my problems. i now know that it isn't true. my mother thinks i'm a disgrace and that she doesn't want anything to do with me. no matter how many times i apologize nothing can make her love me, and it's tearing me apart. life isn't the same. even though i have the world's most amazing boyfriend my life is in turmoil. i tell him everything and i am still surprised that he is with me. i feel like i make everyone's life complicated and that i make everyone's life worse. i can't deal. i'm at a loss to do anymore. i just can't live here. i may not trying to be killing myself but living here i am already dead. when they said that high school is one of the most toughest times in your life i thought they were lying but now i know that it's true. i wish i could return to being a child and being ignorant to the world's problems.