What If?

What if I didnt leave home?
What if I didnt leave him?
What if I didnt go to her?

I wonder if there would be something more for me out there.
I know this sounds fucked up, but I dont know how to function without the DISfunction. Its what Im used to, its what I crave, by now, I sound insane.

I miss all the fights we used to have, the small arugements over nothing, now I dont have anything but a distant memory, a blurred photograph to remember all that was and I dont know if thats enough to keep me alive much longer...