Need reccommendation on new stories...

I need something new to read, wether it be on here, paperback, or on another site. I just really need something to keep myself preoccupied for like....ever maybe. It has to be really good thoug, like five star, but not cliche like Twilight and crap like that. It has to really capture my attention. I have to get a laugh out of it too, have some action too (not like that you pervs ;). SO anyone please give me some good reccommendations please, I've been so bored with my life lately and have the biggest writers block, I need entertainment!!!! Thanks much!!