Feeling Lost, Hopeless, and Depressed

I thought I would never have that much of a bad day. But I was wrong....very wrong. Today was a day that I wish I could erase and never have again. All this happened over a stupid text message my friend sent my semi-boyfriend. He took it the wrong way and he thought my friend was a guy and real mad. She was messing around just seeing if he would just play along.

She texted saying "Linda's ass is mine not yours you wana fight 2 it lets fight n this is Jess." It was a joke he wasn't suppose to get mad. But instead he-he went and said things that hurt me. He said "WTF no1s trippin over her. Its not like shes the only girl in the world. Plzz dont call me out. U dont want any of this" Reading that made my heart sink deep down in my body. She got mad at what he said and started cussing him out "Now we see your true colors u fuckin bitch! Im right here with her and she read the message u fuckin asswhole!" and then he just said "Like i said it is what it is." She got mad even more and said "Ufuckin ass dick brod! Ur loss is my gain bitch N im jessica u know as in a GIRL" He never texted back at all.

So i staeted texting him but he wouldnt answer, so I waited until later on in the day. Finally I got through to him, and I have never seen him so mad before it really surprised me. What we talked about...well actually argued about was that I shouldnt have let my friend text him in the first place and that in the second place I shouldnt have let her talk shit to him. I tried to fix it but it didnt work one bit. He was mad and didnt want to talk but I didnt let it go. He said he was mad and was having a "change of heart for me" When I read that my heart felt like it got stabbed so hard it was ready to burst.

I trieds to let it drop but I didnt want it to end that way. Him mad at me....and i didnt know for how long. I hate it when he is mad at me or Im the reason he is pissed or sad. It makes me sick to my stomach. and I asked him "so where does leave us?" and all he said was "idk ask me later tonite or in the morning" So after a bit i stopped texting him and waited until the morning to ask him about 'us' and he said "just friends" and that was when I died inside. Reading that killed me, my heart burst and now I have a big gapping whole in my chest. I cant be friends with him, we've tried and we ended up getting back together. I texted him saying "Juss-juss friends?" And he said "yeah after what happened yesturday i think we shud just start over and be friends." This is what I said "how can we start over?" Him "being friends. not kissing and stuff" Me, "so r u breakin up wit me?" and him saying "yeah"

So I died this morning. I'm lost, lonely and depressed, just on wednesday was our fifth year anniversary and now we are no more. LOST WITH OUT MY LOVE
February 18th, 2012 at 04:08am