Alright so I'm having a panic attack and my "therapist" (one of my really good friends Mike) told me to write out my feelings.
So I was just laying in bed, thinking about random stuff:
1) I was thinking about my ex and how much I fucking regret everything that happened between us. I regret giving him everything I had, and wasting that little amount of time, that felt like forever, on him. I regret everything I thought I felt for him because, honestly, I didn't. I was infatuated with the fact that someone could possibly enjoy being in my presence. I as so happy to know someone actually wanted to be with me. Hah what a fucking joke.
2) I was thinking about my best friend/ex boyfriend Shane. He was my everything. My world. He lives in England. He treated me like the princess most girls deserve to be treated as. He was my everything. We would talk every day, then his laptop broke and a lot of stuff happened, and well, we slowly started to be able to talk less and less. Well, he has depression issues and since his brother died, he's been an emotional wreck. I haven't spoken to him since a week before Valentine's Day and I'm honestly thinking the worst. I miss him like fucking crazy. He was the one I went to when I panicked like this. He would calm me down and make me feel better about myself. Ugh I miss him so fucking much /:
3) I was thinking about another good friend of my friend England... he was literally my best friend. He... ugh I hate this.. He killed himself. He got some news about his mother and sister being killed in a car accident, and then his girlfriend cheating on him in the same day. He couldn't take it... Fuck Carter, I miss you so much. RIP love.
4) I was just thinking about my miserable excuse of a college experience. I live at home, and I commute to my community college 4 days out of the week. Meh I'm a miserable fuck.
Whatever.... I just needed to get it out. I'm done panicking, and I'm not shaking or crying anymore, so I guess I'm in good shape to go to sleep.
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