"I kind of just poured a little bit of my heart out."

No more. Please, just let everything be over. My life is hell. I'm getting weaker. Every day, I'm getting weaker. I can't go back to day zero, because I told the girl I love that I'd try to stop. And I don't want to disappoint her. But everything just hurts. People are lying to me. Abandoning me. Forgetting about me. I'm becoming more invisible by the second, and I'm starting to wonder when I'll start fading away. Everything just keeps getting more and more intense. I'm trying to be strong, but pretty soon, I don't think I'll even mentally be here anymore. I'll probably end up as an empty shell. I feel like I'm losing everything and everyone. Nothing is getting better. It's just getting worse. And I don't think I can handle it much longer. I'm just thinking about shutting down. No more of the real Autumn. An Autumn with a mask. Because if any of my friends knew how I feel, they'd be upset. And I already seem to make everything worse. So they can't know this... I love them all. I don't want them to see me like this. I'm trying to overcome everything, but I don't think it's going to happen. I barely have any strength. I'm losing what little hope I had left. I'm waiting for it to be over.