16/05/12 I'm still waiting for my sun to shine.

The concept of "happiness" frustrates me. I can't remember the last time I felt happy. I'm not even entirely sure if I know what happy feels like.

People frequently ask me what makes me happy and I give them a list of things I once enjoyed doing, but I can never seem to come up with anything current.

I know I have plenty of reasons not to be happy, but very few people know about them. I'm sure that most people would notice how unhappy I am if they spent some time observing my behaviour, but no one's going to do that. It's not in human nature, at least, not without reason.

There is also a long list of reasons I should be happy. None of them mean much to me.

I had a doctor who told me to be happy I'm alive, but what good is living when everyone you love is dead?

Please don't try to make sense of any of this.