Trial By Fire

I need to go away, go away for awhile. I feel like everything is closing in on me.
Everything I do something has to happen either go wrong or stay the same.
I'm in pain, a lot of it. Pain is in my name. I can't move on.

Needing my dad more then anyone and he's not here. he's in heaven, living a better life now. I'm jealous of that. I envy that, I envy he got to leave. He was tortured himself though.

I suppose it all happened for a reason and this happened for a greater purpose? right?
yeah, well., everything is not what it seems. There are moments through out the day when I just want to die and I wish I had the will to do it.

I can't, something stops me in my tracks. The thoughts curve and destroy my head. I guess it's all a trial by fire. That's the title of my life. A Trial By Fire and it never ends. It continues to be one big test