I wish....

I wish i wasn't so blunt, or i didn't voice my opinion so much. I also wish i could explain how i felt without cursing and being a mega bitch. But i can't. And it causes me a lot of bullshit, and i lose a lot of people i care about.

I also wish i wasn't so vindictive. I feel like if someone hurts me, i have to hurt them back. I shouldn't do that, i know that. But i do anyway. Shit just comes out of my mouth. It's like i can't control it.

I wish i was a trusting person. Not naive, just able to trust people. I don't believe shit anyone says to me. They can show me in a million ways, a million times, and i still won't believe them.

I wish i was able to hold a steady relationship, without it falling to shit. I wish i could be cute with someone. Hold hands, cuddle, send cute text messages, do dumb shit, wrestle. All that jazz. But i can't. That stuff sounds fun to me now, but if anyone tried to do any of that stuff with me, i would freak out, and tell them to fuck off.

I wish i wasn't so scared of commitment/liking someone/falling in love. All of that stuff makes me want to hide. Liking someone freaks me out. Commitment makes me gag, and falling love is so out of the question that i don't even know why i brought it up.

All i'm doing is ranting, i should probably stop.