Drip Drop

I'm not a patient person. Never have been. Ask my brother, though you may get more than you've asked for. Ask any softball coach I've ever had. They'll say that I'll swing at a change-up too early, that I always wanted to learn something new right then and there and if I didn't I'd get down on myself. Ask the teachers of my past, my boss, my parents. I want results and I need them as soon as possible. I hate being late, I hate having others wait on me. I hate waiting on someone else. Ask any friend that's been with me when I drive. I got 5 over the limit if I think I can get away with it and if someone is goin' slow I'm impatient until they get out of my way.

My relationship has been the exact opposite though. I've been patient for almost two years. Waiting, just waiting for him to make a move, to show me that I'm worth the trouble. For those that don't know, I live in Florida while he is 2000+ miles away in Wisconsin. We talk via webcam everyday. We fall asleep with it on so it feels like we're sleeping next to each other.

I've visited him 3 times, which adds to a total of over $900 in plane tickets. Each time I've barely left enough in my account for my car insurance, my weekly gas, lunch, my books for college, barely enough to live on, but just enough, because he was worth it. He's been in town once. There have been 7 times, 2 summers, 2 spring breaks, 2 winter breaks, and one roadtrip, that he says he could have come. Then when it gets to the point where it's almost time, he's all the sudden short on cash and can't afford the plane ticket... as if a plane is the only mode of transportation. There's the Grey Hound buses, but those are too uncomfortable for him. There was a road trip planned with him and his friends, didn't fall through. He graduated from college this past semester with a bachelors in physics and he's been looking for a job. I still have 3 more years of college left. I'm not forcing him to move here, though I have asked plenty of times. As a matter of fact, he hasn't even looked in Florida for jobs aside from NASA, and they're not looking for anyone at the moment.

When I ask if he has even thought about living here while I'm in college, he replies "Well we both know where YOU wanna be." And yes. I love Wisconsin. It's beautiful in every season, and to be honest, as someone who was born in raised in Florida, I love the cold. I'm that rare breed of Floridian. But he doesn't answer the question directly. I know it takes money to move to a different state, especially 2000+ miles away. However, he expects me to do the same after I graduate from college. I'll be in the same boat as him afterwards, looking for a job and a place to live, short on cash because of the lack of a career.

I'm running out of patience. There's only a few more sips of that glass and I'm done. I can't handle talking on the computer for three more years. I feel like I've made my contribution to this relationship and I'm just waiting for it in return. I speak to his mom frequently ans she once told me that sometimes you give a little, and get a little in return. Sometimes you give it your all and get nothing back. But the way I see it, a relationship is an "us", not a "me", not a "you", an "US". There should be give and take EQUALLY. I've given my part and am waiting for the return, but I have a feeling I'm not going to be receiving it anytime soon... I've had enough.