The Dreamer

So, I just read Rockettes, Rockstars and Rockbottom by Keltie Colleen, and, in all honesty, I really wish I hadn’t. And it isn’t for the reason most people would assume. It really, really isn’t. I wish I hadn’t read it because it only confirmed things I didn’t want confirmed.

I have this uncanny ability to read people very well. I can look at pictures or even just sit with them for a few minutes and figure out exactly how they’re feeling, what they’re thinking. And I’ve only been wrong once, once, and that was because my judgement was clouded. And usually I’m very accepting of it – because it generally keeps me out of dangerous situations – but right now… right now I wish I was wrong.

Ryan Ross is my idol, my hero, and I love him dearly in a non-creepy-fangirl way. I admire him greatly. And I have never been under the illusion that he is some perfect, introverted god who’s never set a foot wrong in his life – well, maybe when I was a little younger and naïve, but not for a very long time now.

The point is, I’ve voiced my honest opinion of him before. I’ve talked about his changes and the way he acts and what I think is going on inside his head. And, you know, up until this point I’ve always thought that I was at least a little bit wrong. But, going on what I’ve read, it’s as if I’ve been spot on this entire time.

And, I dunno, something about it is just a little bit disheartening. A little sad. I feel like…

I don’t really know what I feel right now.

If he’s everything I’ve always thought he was, shouldn’t I be completely content?

End of random rant.

Anya x