Talking to spaces

I dont really know, its like I just find him attractive and then (sigh) just makes me want him more...but it scares me how much I actually do. I'm sorta scared to see what happens but I wanna push this to the limit. I want to know how far I can go before I close my eyes and run far away. My heart is killing me, it's wanting more. My mind knows whats going on.
"Don't be stupid, child," it says constantly, " you know exactly what's going on here. You know he is using you, so don't do this. Please for once listen to me."
"I know. I'm stupid but I really don't give a fuck." my heart replies. " This is what I wanna experience on my own."
"Stop!"
"Go!"
"NO!"
"YES!"
To be what I want then I gotta make mistakes right? I'm too smart for this. I may come out as arrogant and concieted but , that may just be the confidence I've been lacking. Imma see what happens. The best way to test this is to make him hungry for more. I gotta walk that walk...and so it all. I'm reeling the line and if I happen to catch more than one fish, then I've accomplished something. What fun would it be if I didn't gain haterz. I'm not saying being a bitch to every girl I already made friends with, I'm talking about everyone else.

If that makes sense