Stay Strong♥

Everyone that'll read the title of this blog will think something differently. For me, this saying means a lot and it really, truly, and honestly is helping me through so much. This saying, "Stay Strong" was said from Demi Lovato (also known as my idol, the celebrity that inspires me so much. I struggle with words to write how much she has helped me). But this blog, it's not just about me, it's about more than myself. This blog is about the saying "Stay Strong", its about how inspiring Demi is to me, its about how many girls struggle with the same situation I am struggling with right now.

Before I jump into things I should explain what I am talking about here, and who I really am. No, not the usual, "Hi my name is Austin and I'm just an average high school senior girl going through life with no harm to be made." Because once you read about my story, you will learn that my life IS going through with harm made, to myself. But it's not my fault, and I know there are probably girls and guys out there who will understand. So, I can't really just say it in word but I will try my best...so please, don't judge me because you don't know me. If you've never struggled with my situations then don't try to make judgements and say how I'm stupid, worthless; because I've heard it all before.

I struggled with an eating disorder. I can't say how I am completely better, but I am getting there and with the help from my best friend who I love, trust and respect more than anyone besides my family is helping me through this. She cares about me more than anyone I've ever met and she's probably the only friend who's come into my life and never left. I'm thankful to God that we're best friends, hell we're practically sisters! I tell her everything and she will do the same with me. She tells me how she feels like she doesn't deserve me as a best friend, well there are times where I feel like she could find a better best friend. Someone, I don't know, better I should say. But then I sit back and think of all the inside jokes, all the memories, secrets, and I remember...there is no other person I can share these secrets with and won't judge me. She helped me through so much and I love her that I will always do the same for her.

My eating disorder started around the middle of my junior year of high school. I was happy, before I was the type of girl that could give a crap less about how I looked, or what I ate. But then, I don't know, like I just looked around me at school and thought, "I want to be that skinny." I got set into my mind because of the magazines and those damn bilboards that skinny was better. So I went on a diet, the healthy way, and in about two months of working out and eating right. No fast-foods, no sugary sweets, I lost about fifty pounds. But I just felt like it wasn't enough, so I started to eat less. Day by day my junior year I barely ate; the most I had was one small meal a day. At school my friends at lunch started to notice the change in me because I refused to eat, they said things like, "Oh she has such an eating disorder!" or "Girl, are you f*cking bulimic!?" and I would just reply back like "What? No, of course not. I'm just not hungry."

It never crossed my mind that what I was doing to my body was wrong. Yes, I did research on eating disorders and all the negative effects on what could happen to a person with it. But I honestly didn't care, all I wanted was to be skinny like those girls in the magazines, or the thin girls on the cheerleading squad. That's all I wanted. Was that so wrong? To have the perfect body? I didn't think so before.

I constantly weighted myself daily, afraid that what I ate the night before would've made me gain weight. That was one of my deathly fears...gaining weight. I won't lie, it still is.

Demi Lovato is the main singer I listen to, because of her music I feel stronger. It's weird how a song could give a person so much strength, and her lyrics just inspire me so much. She doesn't sing about the usual topics like other artists do.

Usual topics:
-Drugs
-Sex
-Love for your boyfriend/girlfriend
-Break-ups
-Heart-breaks

Demi's meanings:
-Getting through life
-Strength
-Love for yourself, not another
-Stay strong

If you disagree with me on any of what I wrote then that's totally fine. It's your opinion but this is mine, so you are going to have to respect my opinion. But many guys and girls with an eating disorder struggle admitting it to others, even if most of the time (not all of the time) they would know they have something wrong with them. But those that know, please, get help, tell someone you trust. I did. My best friend was the very first to know about my eating disorder and she has helped me so much. You're worth living, I never believed I was worth living; some nights I would lie in bed thinking, why am I here. God, why did you put me on this Earth if I was going to develop an eating disorder?

I was wrong, so wrong. We're all meant for something and I feel like I've found what I was meant for. Sure, I am shy and don't really say how I feel much. But from what people have told me about my writing, is that its inspiring to them. And I guess in a way, God gave me this talent for writing for a reason. To make a difference. Not really make a difference with my voice like Demi, but through my writing. And I'm going to take my talent and do something, because how I am starting to see it is how we're all special and deserve to be loved. If you haven't found your purpose in life, stay strong, because believe me when I say this; soon, you will find your purpose in life.

I have faith in you. I hope after reading this that someone out there have found something in this blog that'll help them. Or somehow gave them strength because honestly, you DO have strength, you're BEAUTIFUL, and don't let anyone EVER tell you otherwise. ♥