It's a terrible love...

I miss him.

I miss him an ungodly amount, and there is nothing I can do to change it. This feeling. Ugh, how I hate this feeling. Like my chest has a dull ache, and when I see him it intensifies to a sharp throb.

Worst part about all of this is that he knows. Or well I think he knows. And I know that I should just move on, but I keep being reminded of all the good times. We had so very few bad times. Every fight, in the end we would just become closer. These are the times where Id give everything just to know what he is thinking. How he really felt about everything. Not just about me.

What hurts the most is that he apparently is with another girl. Yet he's never met her. And he's been talking to her ever since January. When me and him were still whatever you would call us. I don't understand. Shes some girl that his best friend introduced to him, all the way from georgia, and yet here I am. Right smack dab in front of his face and there is nothing I can do or say to change his mind. He wants her, I'm not good enough.

At least I'm not good enough for him.

Or is it the other way around?

I'm still not sure what to think. My life is all sorts of a whirlwind since me and him quit talking to each other. He was my best friend. But the entire time I was lied too and talked about. I don't understand. I never did anything to him.. Sometimes I wonder if this was all just in my head. That I wanted so much for him to like me that I just thought I saw that. Like a dream.

I can't even go out of town without being reminded of him. And it's like that I'm just a memory for him. That I was just some girl that he used to hang out with, nothing special ya know. It just hurts, that hes already telling this other girl that he loves her... and Ive been sitting here for months, almost a year so ungodly fucking in love with him.

But I guess it's time for me to move on. I can't hold resentment because Ill never be happy as long I hold resentment towards him. And even as I'm sitting her bawling my eyes out writing this. I can't help but think of him. I really miss him. And I'm pretty sure I'll never have him again.

Its a terrible love and I'm walking with spiders..

xoxo- Cassandra