Dealing With It (WARNING: its very long..but i had to get it out..)

okay,so im back :) yay..well lots been happening.. Things i wish i could forget..well lets start off with my dad..i have not spoken to him in almost a year..it will actually be a year on July 25th..and the worst part is..he lives 5mins away from me..we had a fight..and well its a long story..probably best if i save it for another blog.. i had my first kiss with a psycho..his name is Cristian.. He seriously broke me in every way.. he had cutting issues..and suicidal thoughts etc..so for a while we were fine..hanging out .. by the way im not allowed to date yet,so thats all we could do really..hang out..SO he made a "promise" that he would wait for me til i was old enough to date..so he could be my boyfriend..:/ in a weird way...that was creepy....Anyways..he started being real controlling..he didnt like one of my friends,Pedro, because they had a falling out a few years back..so he wanted me to stop talking to him..and i told him i wasnt going to pick sides..he got mad an gave me an altimadum..either i picked Pedro or him..and i did point out that he wasnt my boyfriend,so he cant tell me who i can and cant be friends with..even if we were dating,i still wouldnt be picking sides..so i stuck to my choice,he didnt like that..so he picked for me..and decided to walk away..he didnt want nothing to do with me..he hurt me real bad..i cried:/ ..the next day i was still very upset...&as im walking to my third period &i see him kissing some girl..that broke me..just UGHHH!!!..about a week later,after days of crying over that jerk..he comes up to me afterschool..he tells me he wants me "back"..at that point i was mad..i told him we could be friends,but thats it...he wasnt happy with that..but what did he expect?? so we begin being friends..that girl i had seen him with dumped him because of his cutting..so he leaned on me,i guess...we being getting close again..he tells me he loves me..cares for me..cant live without me...i start falling for him again..then one night he sends me a text by accident, that was meant for that girl that dumped him..apparently they were still talking..well,more like sexting -_-..he had sent me this nasty text..so i got mad..he was getting upset cause i was telling him that i dont give a f*ck anymore..so he then proclaims hes going to commit suicide at midnight..and like the idot i was...i fell to his feet,begging and begging him not to..i literally spent seven hourse trying to help him...i start to panic and tell my mom what was happening..she tried talking to him but he wouldnt answer..that night i couldnt sleep i wasnt sure if he had done anything to himelf..so the next morning i text him,asking if he was okay..he writes back,but i says its his father..and that he was sorry but his son had hung himself...at that point..i break down in tears..my mom said she had never seen me cry like that..but being the intuitive person that she is..she said not to freak out just yet..she sensed something wasnt right..so she told me to talk to his "dad" and see what we could do..now keep in mind i didnt know where he lived so i couldnt like call the cops or anything..so my mom calls his phone,leaves a voicemail saying that this better not be a joke..and that i was crying..and etc..he then tells me that his son left a note for me..and it said: Ask Briana,if this experience taught her anything...that point he hadnt heard the voicemail..but few minutes pass..and he admits that he was playing..he was acting as if he was his own dad..what was his reason you may ask? To "teach me a lesson"..WTF!!! he said i took him for granted..i hated him at this point..he faked his death like it was going to fix anything...PSYCHO!! but being the idot AGAIN i soon forgive and forget..months later i let him back into my life.. And he strats buying me things..telling me he loves me blah blah..then i find out he has been trying to get at another girl! like damn!! so i start ignoring him..he gets upset and starts cutting himself..he had blamed me for his pain..blamed me for his cutting..everything..we get into another fight..but this had included Pedro..Pedro blamed me for his isssues with Cristian..i thought Pedro was my friend..but he stabbed me in the back..AND they were gonna fight each other....on MY DRIVEWAY...so this point..i had about enough of all this..so i tell them both to f*ck off...i was DONE. i deleted and block them from Facebook... Cristian then tells me he sorry,but now that i want nothing to do with him..hes going to kill himself...i just couldnt do it anymore...but he started to scare me again..so with my moms help, i convinced him to see me the next day for a final goodbye...i wanted him to wait..so i can tell the school what was happening...luckly the jerk listened..and he went..i turned him into the coucelers..and they took it from there...he was sent to a medical center..and such..people were telling me they had seen him cutting during class and stuff..so he already had that type of record in the school..he left for a week and so did i.. i was hurt and broken..just too sad to come to school..i went on independent study for a bit..i know youre probably thinking of how stupid i was to let this happen..and i wouldnt blame you..i do regret staying for as long as i did...but i guess i couldnt stand to leave someone who was going through alot of issues..but i learned.. No one can save someone else..its not possible..i mean you can help someone save themselves but ultimitly you gotta let them make that decision..Cris made me feel really low,he would threaten me sometimes, if i didnt want to talk he would be like "you better write back or youll never see me again!" or "ill cut myself then!"........he began texting me again..but i had told him on the last day of school, when after he came back from that center, that i wanted nothing to do with him..i dont want him to keep his "promise" to me..because i dont want to be with him.. i also told him that that was going to be our last conversation. also keep in mind he got another girlfriend..she i guess visited him at the center and lives in LA..but he said he didnt care..he still loved me..and hes still keeping his promise NO MATTER WHAT. im annoyed, and i say my goodbyes to him...Weeks later he texts me love songs...now hes just being more of a creep..2 weeks later he txts me..he decided that hes going back to that center..hes going to pretend to his mom that he wants to kill himself just so she could take him...again psycho!! i never wrote back to him..that was about a little over a week ago..im still hurt by all those things he did to me..i cry everytime i think about it..i was seriously emotionally abused..and it sucks....this is how im going to remember my sophmore year :/..But on a good note, another guy,Jimmy(James) whom i really like and care so much about,kept my mind off of it..i met him on FB..he had went to the same school and we began hanging out..we are good friends..my mom and friends think hes great:) so yeah..im still dealing with the pain...but i think ill be okay..I learned alot..and i really think this made me stronger..and it made me realize how strong i am..having to go through that constant abuse.. *sigh* but yeah..anyways if you actually read this..comment and..stuff..thank you.