Why can't it be the same?

I wish everything was how it used to be.. All of my friends still loved each other.. Nobody was mad at me.. I wasn't at the breaking point.. I could hangout with all my friends at the same time without 1 or 2 of us feeling awkward. When I wasn't constantly trying to fake a smile and act happy.. When there was no drama.. I wanna be happy again.. And if one of you people comment saying
"Everything happens for a reason"
or something like that I'm gonna kill someone.. I just want my friends back.. I want all my friends back.. All being able to laugh together and be idiots together.. Key word TOGETHER. Now I'm lucky if one of my friends even texts me back.. I only have like 2 people that I text now. And right now neither of them are answering.. Lately I have been wanting to die more.. and more. It's not a fun feeling for those of you who don't know what that feels like because you have perfect lives.. And for you few people who have perfect lives.. I'm jealous.. Well, yeah.. That's all.