Why can't it go back to the way it was?

I miss the way things were.. Me and Colton.. Toni and Matt.. Anna and Spencer..
But not, Anna and Spencer are still together but they have broken up 2 times.. Colton and I have broken up.. Toni and Matt have broken up.. Toni, and Colton are dating.. I am single.. Matt is single.. Sarah is still the same Sarah that has always been there for me and who I know and love<3 LOVE YOU SARAH<33 Before Colton and I broke up, ask anybody, I was almost always happy.. I was always saying how much I loved him.. I loved him more than I loved myself.. I loved him more than life.. But he told me himself.. He loves Toni more than he ever loved me.. I am the fucking reason Toni and Colton ever met.. I was the one who brought Colton to the bonfire at Toni's house.. That's where they met. Then after him and I broke up him and Toni started talking and he "fell in love with her", I think that is just fucking bull shit.. They have been dating since June 5th.. Exactly 1 days after him and I broke up.. Yeah, she's such a good "best friend" she knew I loved him yet still went out with him. I told her that I still really loved him and I would hate her if they ever went out but, she didn't care. She is a selfish bitch.. She only thinks about herself. I told her that I wouldn't stop being mad at her until her and Colton break up. She doesn't care.. As long as she gets Colton she's fine.. She at one point lost all her friends.. Now she has Anna back and she is ignoring Sarah..
And if any of you people comment saying shit like:
"you're too young to feel real love"
"It wasn't really love, it was infatuation"
"You can't feel love at 13."
I am going to kill someone.. or even just myself.. I am so done with everyone.. My other friend is too depressed about the love of her life moving away to talk to me.. (I don't blame her) So Sarah is the only one I can really talk to about this.. Nobody else gets it.. And I can't really talk t Sarah anymore because it's stressing her out.. I'm really sorry Sarah for stressing you out.. I wish I could just get over Colton and move on, but no.. He fucked up my life.. I knew when him and I broke up my life wouldn't be the same.. If I even think about the good times him and I had before we broke up I start crying... I don't even know why he broke up with me.. I have heard so many different reasons.. Most of which are my own damn fault.. Of course.. I always end up fucking everything up.. That's just how I work.. I fuck everything up some how.. Yeah, now you people see why I am so damn depressed and why I wanna die..