So done

Im seriously so done right now. Like everything is confusing and messy and nothing makes any sense to me anymore. I dont know what to do with myself. My mind is a mess and I dont feel like anything is worth it.
I know no one really cares that much, no one really knows me anyways, but still. I hate the cliched "It gets better." "It cant be that bad" How would you know? Do you live inside my head? I dont think so. You have no idea what it feels like to have your own mind working against you. To have your own mind not trusting anyone or letting people in to help. Its like uncontrolable walls are put up and thats the end of that. There is no getting through. Every ounce of happiness of effort gets pushed out and things just go down hill from there.
I've seriously given up on all of this. Is there really a point? After all the drama and hurt. The pain and tears. Why should I keep trying? Its not like trying really does anything. When I try I just make it worse because those stupid walls have already been put up and Im just too afraid to let them come down even though inside my head I'm screaming for someone to come and find me and help me out of this deep dark whole.
Im really just done with it all. I feel like I'm just so messed up that no one can really get inside and really help me.
I just dont see the point in trying anymore. It feels so useless.